One day earlier this week I posted a list of things I want to do before I die on another blog I write. One of my last entries was my hope that God would give me the courage to get over my extreme fear of public speaking so that I could one day to a series of motivational speaking engagements, or perhaps something even more timely, like a book tour for my upcoming book!
In a former life, I did quite a bit of public speaking, mostly in a corporate setting. I usually did alright, and I even think my secret was safe. Because I was well-prepared, I doubt that people knew that I was utterly mortified the whole time - stomache pain, chills, sweaty palms - the works. I'd rather go to the dentist than speak in front of a crowd. But, I have a testimony, and I believe God wants me to tell it. So, I decided that if that's true, then He'll have to give me the courage and the strength to do it because I don't have it on my own.
Less than 24 hours later, I was asked to speak at a women's knitting retreat at a local church next Saturday.
So, of course I said yes, before my nerves had a chance to weigh in. It wasn't until the next morning as I was getting ready for work that the thought struck me - what on earth am I going to speak about? Instead of panicing, I decided to pray. Almost immediately, I had to run and get a pen and paper because God was giving me the outline of my remarks. My immediate reaction was tremendous thanks to Him for answering my prayer so quickly. My next thought was frustration and shame - at myself - for all those times I tried to figure things out on my own, and only screwed things up.