Sunday, April 16, 2006

Sleep would be a blessing...

Does anyone other than me suffer from chronic insomnia? It's usually there lurking just under the surface, but periodically it rears it's ugly head in a major way and daily life becomes a real struggle. I'm finally scheduled for an evaluation at a sleep disorder clinic tomorrow morning which should lead to a full sleep study a few weeks after that. One doctor suspects sleep apnea, which I'd never even considered.

I've been praying that God heal me of the insomnia, but He hasn't yet, which tells me there's a reason why I'm dealing with it now. For one thing, I'm seeing how cranky I can be when I'm really tired. I get inpatient with my best friend and her husband, and even with our pets. I've asked them and God to forgive me and help me with that.

I've also noticed that not sleeping is giving me even more time to pray. Sometimes it's in our weakest moments that we can't do anything else but call on God. Imagine if we were always happy and healthy and everything was going our way. When would we ever call on God? There are times when I feel to tired to pray, but it's those times that I try hardest to pray anyway. I believe Satan attacks us when we're tired or otherwise weak, which means that I'm probably a prime target for him right now. I also realize that the more I blog and knit for others, and the more that I talk about this ministry, the worse my insomnia gets. In war, the emeny attacks those on the front lines of battle, not those way in the back. So in that sense, I'm not going to complain if this is indeed a spiritual attack. It just confirms that I'm on the right path for God and that I'm making the devil mad.

Since I've decided to live my life for God, I guess that means using my insomnia for His good while I'm going through it. There are blessings even in this... even in my fatigue, I can still listen to Joyce Meyer tapes, listen to my audio Bible on CD (which is awesome, by the way!) and I've actually gotten several prayer shawls done.

So, while sleep would be a blessing, I'm reminded that insomnia can be a blessing to, if I use the time wisely and continue to keep my focus on Him.


Jan said...

I suffer from insomnia to a certain degree. There are at least three nights a week where I wake up at two or three and can't get back to sleep until the sun comes up. It really made for a rough day.

Love your blog!

Mary said...

Syd, I'm wondering if your insomnia may also be triggered by your being so honest and blogging about the struggles you're dealing with -- putting all that "stuff" from the past out there for anyone, and yourself, too, to review; opening old wounds, so to speak.

As you're working so hard to minister to others, are you taking care of yourself during all of this -- getting ministered to through counseling, therapy, etc? Or at least scheduling some FUN for yourself - some time when you don't always have to be nurturing others?

Syd said...


What a sweet and thoughtful reply. Thank you.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful therapist and a few dear friends who are really helping me. I'm trying to do a better job of taking care of myself. As a "recovering co-dependent" finding that balance is an on-going struggle for me, but with God's help, I'm learning and growing in this area. Luckily for me, the thing I find most relaxing and therapeutic (short of a month-long vacation to an island in the Caribbean or the Mediterranean) is soulful knitting. So now that I'm under "doctor's orders" to get more R&R, looks like I'll be doing even more knitting (pink scarves for the next season or so for sure!).

I'm so glad that I learned to knit and purl continental-style because I knit myself right into carpel tunnel and tendonitis last Christmas! Between throwing the yarn with my left hand and using the Denise needles, I can knit for hours now and feel no pain!